- May 2, 2022
File Under: Divorce
Nine Signs That Your Marriage May Be In Trouble
With up to 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, it is clear that it is not easy to maintain a healthy union. Infidelity, abuse and money mismanagement are some of the reasons why people divorce. When people enter a marriage, they usually do so with the best of intentions. They say “I do” with the hopes that it’ll be forever. However, there are some predictors of divorce to look out for. When you’re married and you desire to remain so, it’s best to avoid or work through these predictors as best you can. If you’re ready to end the relationship and get a divorce, you may want to consult with a divorce lawyer to iron out the details. Consider some of the following signs that it may be time to call a divorce attorney.
1. Abrupt, Harsh Conversations
When you are on your first few dates with your soon-to-be spouse, flirty language and sweet words are not uncommon. There’s nothing short, harsh or cold about the interactions. While the honeymoon phase ends for most couples at some point, it’s important to maintain a healthy, happy tone with each other. However, when conversations start and end with harsh tones, this isn’t a good sign. When the spouses get short with each other, it sets a habit in motion that can lead to a loveless, cold marriage. Since most don’t want to remain in that type of environment, divorce becomes a logical step to take.
In the heat of the moment, it can be easy for couples to forget that they need to listen to one another in order to understand perspectives. Instead, many couples listen to provide a rebuttal. They become defensive because they feel as though their back is against the wall. This is a poor practice to engage in as it pertains to marital communication. When a person always feels the need to be defensive, this leads to couples fighting each other instead of resolving the issue. In turn, defensiveness can break up a marriage and lead to conversations with a family law attorney.
When a person opts to use stonewalling as a tactic, they are basically communicating how much they don’t want to engage with a person. If an individual is talking to their partner and the partner doesn’t engage or respond, this is stonewalling. Stonewalling is also displayed through body language, such as turning away or folded arms. If they are always looking for the exit and making their interactions really brief, they have no desire to connect on an emotional level.
When a marriage isn’t going well, an individual might feel everything from shame and fear to rage and disappointment. Because the feelings are so intense and real, it’s not uncommon for flooding to occur. Flooding is when a person feels so many emotions that they shut down. As a result, they don’t express any emotion because it is too hard to pick one and explore it.
5. Bad Memories
When you’re in love, all you see and focus on are the good parts of your partner. When you’re angry, it’s easy to focus on all of the bad things your partner did in the past. When it gets to a point where you only interpret memories through a poor lens, this might be a sign that you and your partner are in need of family lawyers. Instead of remembering the beautiful details of the surprise birthday party your spouse threw for you, you focus on the fact that they chose a cake flavor you didn’t like or that they invited a few people you didn’t know. While you had an amazing time at the party, so much transpired since then. As a result, you can’t help but view the positive memories through a poor lens.
6. Failed Repair Attempts
All couples argue and experience misunderstandings. It’s pretty clear that you won’t make your spouse happy all the time. However, when those misunderstandings and disappointments occur, both parties need to come together in order to repair the damage. For example, if a spouse gets late-night calls from an individual of the opposite sex, this can be an understandable point of contention for the other spouse. Repairing this issue can mean that a boundary gets put in place where no calls get accepted past a certain hour. Another boundary might be that the spouse no longer communicates with that outside party. When couples fail to find a middle ground and repair the damage, this could be an indicator that divorce is impending and that a family law attorney is needed.
Contempt is extremely dangerous in a relationship. In most cases, a relationship is over when a person views the other with disgust. Basically, when a person looks at their spouse with contempt, they believe they are worthless or beneath them. They are no longer worthy of the affection, care and attention because of how they have treated you. If there is anyone who views you with contempt, it is best to stay far away from them. However, when it is your spouse, you are in extremely dangerous territory.
8. Physical Distress
A failing marriage is often a cause of stress. In many cases, people see stress manifest in psychological ways. However, a failing marriage can produce stress physical ways as well. When a person becomes physically ill, this could be a sign that a divorce is on the horizon. A partner might endure symptoms like high blood pressure, ulcers or hair loss. Stress manifests differently in people. Some people develop addictions to alcohol, food or drugs in order to create an emotional safe haven for themselves. Unfortunately, these addictions can lead to even more issues. Before a person gets into a situation they can’t reverse, it might be helpful to consider ending the marriage, and call a divorce attorney.
There are many people who believe that criticism is a form of honesty that’s wrapped in tough love. There’s a belief that when a person loves you, they will tell you the truth about who you are. Even if it’s mean, harsh or cruel, it’s the truth. There is a way to lovingly communicate the truth to a person so they don’t feel like they are being criticized. If you are in a relationship where your partner constantly criticizes you, this will impact the way you feel about yourself. Studies show that for every critique you give, you need to praise seven times for the other person to feel appreciated. If a person only hears criticism from their partner, it is only a matter of time before they don’t feel safe in their home. The home becomes a psychological war zone where they are constantly attacked from an emotional perspective.
It is important to note that fighting isn’t necessarily a bad thing. When a couple argues, there is at least some form of communication happening. Even if the communication gets loud, fiery or tear-filled, there is still a desire to connect and work through a situation. When the communication gets sinister or stops, you will need to look at these predictors to see if they fall in line with your relationship. Even if they do and you are not willing to work through them, a divorce lawyer can help you sever ties in an agreeable manner. If the signs are telling you that it’s time to contact a family lawyer, call Lawrence Law at (908) 645-1000, or fill out and submit our online form.