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Taylor Swift has built a career telling stories about relationships, the good, the complicated, and the painful. Her new song, “Patient Zero,” raises an especially thought-provoking issue: What happens when someone realizes that the troubling behavior they experienced in a relationship may not have been an isolated occurrence?
Swift has explained that the inspiration for the song came from a conversation with friends. One friend shared that the new girlfriend of an ex had contacted her to ask whether she had experienced the same troubling behavior with him. That conversation led Swift to explore the experience from the perspective of the former partner receiving that call.
The music video brings that troubling relationship dynamic to life. In one particularly striking scene, the couple is in a car while the man is speeding, visibly making the woman uncomfortable. As the passenger, she has little control over the situation or her physical safety. Rather than acknowledging her discomfort, he continues driving in a way that leaves her feeling uneasy and powerless.
The interaction becomes even more revealing when she stumbles over her words. Instead of responding with patience or understanding, he focuses on her mistake and turns the interaction back on her. It is a subtle moment, but an effective depiction of the type of gaslighting and emotional manipulation that can occur in a toxic or abusive relationship.
The scene captures something that can be difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced this type of relationship: abuse does not always begin, or present itself, with one dramatic incident. Sometimes it is a series of moments that leave a person feeling afraid, belittled, confused, or as though they must carefully monitor everything they say and do. A person may begin questioning their own reactions or wondering whether they are simply “overreacting.”
The speeding adds another layer to the scene. When one person controls a vehicle, the passenger is dependent upon that person for their physical safety. Driving aggressively or recklessly while knowing that a passenger is frightened can be intimidating and can create a sense of being trapped. The scene conveys fear and control without needing to depict an overt act of physical violence.
That is part of what makes the “Patient Zero” storyline so powerful. The concept may resonate with people who have left unhealthy relationships and later discover that a former partner is repeating similar behaviors with someone else. Looking back, or hearing another person’s similar experience, can sometimes cause someone to reevaluate behavior they previously minimized, excused, or did not recognize as concerning at the time.
While the term “toxic relationship” is not a legal definition of domestic violence, the song and video raise important questions about patterns of behavior, warning signs, and when conduct within a relationship may cross the line into domestic violence under New Jersey law.
It is also important to recognize that domestic violence is not limited to any one gender, age, background, or type of relationship. Anyone can experience domestic violence, including women and men, and anyone can engage in abusive behavior. While “Patient Zero” portrays one relationship dynamic, the warning signs of abuse, control, intimidation, and manipulation can occur in many different relationships.
People often use the word “toxic” to describe an unhealthy relationship. It might involve constant conflict, jealousy, manipulation, dishonesty, or an unhealthy communication dynamic.
But there is an important distinction between an unhappy or unhealthy relationship and conduct that may constitute domestic violence under New Jersey law.
Domestic violence does not have to involve physical violence. New Jersey’s Prevention of Domestic Violence Act (PDVA) recognizes numerous predicate acts that may constitute domestic violence when the statutory requirements are met. These include, among others:
Domestic violence can also involve patterns of intimidation, threats, isolation, financial control, unwanted contact, monitoring, or other conduct that causes a person to fear for their safety.
That is why it can be important to look beyond the label of a “bad relationship” and consider the specific conduct that is occurring.
One of the most compelling ideas raised by “Patient Zero” is the possibility of recognizing a pattern only after a relationship has ended.
An ex’s new partner contacts you and describes behavior that sounds familiar.
You learn that the same threatening messages, controlling behavior, stalking, harassment, or intimidation you experienced are now allegedly happening to someone else.
That realization can be unsettling. It can also cause someone to reevaluate experiences they previously minimized or dismissed.
People sometimes excuse troubling behavior while they are in a relationship. They may tell themselves that their partner is simply jealous, emotional, protective, or going through a challenging time. They may also become accustomed to conduct that would appear alarming to someone outside the relationship.
Recognizing similar behavior occurring in another relationship may provide a vastly different perspective.
The situation portrayed in “Patient Zero” raises a practical question: What should you do if a former partner’s current girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, or partner reaches out to you about concerning behavior?
There is no single answer that is appropriate for every situation.
If you choose to communicate, consider preserving the messages and keeping an accurate record of what was said. Avoid exaggerating or speculating about events you did not personally witness.
Most importantly, consider your own safety.
If communicating with the new partner could expose you to renewed harassment, threats, retaliation, or unwanted contact from your former partner, speaking with an attorney or domestic violence advocate before becoming involved may be appropriate.
If someone believes they are in immediate danger, they should contact law enforcement and call 911.
Documentation can become important when someone seeks protection from domestic violence.
Depending on the circumstances, potentially relevant evidence may include:
Preserving communications in their original form is important. Avoid deleting, editing, or manipulating potential evidence.
Whether evidence concerning conduct involving a former or subsequent partner would be relevant or admissible in a particular domestic violence proceeding is a fact-sensitive legal question. An attorney can help evaluate what evidence may properly be presented to the court.
A qualifying victim of domestic violence may seek a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) under New Jersey’s Prevention of Domestic Violence Act.
A TRO can provide immediate protection based upon the circumstances of the case. Those protections may include prohibiting the defendant from contacting the victim, excluding the defendant from certain locations, granting temporary possession of a residence, addressing temporary custody or support, and restricting possession of weapons.
If a TRO is granted, the court schedules a hearing within 10 days to determine whether a Final Restraining Order (FRO) should be entered.
At the hearing, both parties have an opportunity to present testimony and evidence. The court will consider the circumstances of the alleged domestic violence as well as other legally relevant factors in determining whether an FRO is appropriate.
In New Jersey, an FRO does not automatically expire. It remains in effect unless subsequently dismissed or modified by the court.
Not every person experiencing stalking, cyber-harassment, or sexual misconduct has the type of relationship with the alleged offender required to seek relief under the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act.
New Jersey’s Victim’s Assistance and Survivor Protection Act (VASPA) may provide another avenue for protection in certain circumstances.
Effective January 1, 2024, VASPA expanded the protections previously available under the Sexual Assault Survivor Protection Act (SASPA). VASPA allows certain victims who do not qualify for a domestic violence restraining order to seek a civil protective order for acts or attempted acts involving nonconsensual sexual contact or penetration, lewdness, stalking, or cyber-harassment.
Depending upon the circumstances, a victim may seek a Temporary Protective Order (TPO) and a Final Protective Order (FPO).
Understanding whether the PDVA or VASPA applies can depend upon both the conduct involved and the relationship between the parties.
A song like “Patient Zero” can start a broader conversation about something that happens in real life: sometimes people do not recognize a troubling pattern until they hear someone else describe an experience that sounds remarkably similar to their own.
No song, social media post, or label like “toxic” can determine whether someone has experienced domestic violence. Every situation is different, and whether conduct meets New Jersey’s legal requirements depends on the specific facts.
But when behavior involves threats, intimidation, stalking, harassment, violence, sexual misconduct, cyber-harassment, or conduct that causes someone to fear for their safety, it should be taken seriously.
Domestic violence cases can involve urgent safety concerns as well as complicated questions involving restraining orders, divorce, custody, parenting time, financial support, and the family home.
At Lawrence Law Divorce & Family Lawyers, our attorneys assist clients throughout New Jersey with domestic violence matters and related family law issues. We understand that these cases require sensitivity, careful preparation, and compassionate legal guidance.
If you are experiencing domestic violence or have questions about obtaining, enforcing, modifying, or defending against a restraining or protective order, contact Lawrence Law to discuss your circumstances with a New Jersey family law attorney.
Lawrence Law Divorce & Family Law — 908-645-1000.
And remember, there is never a “right” time for divorce. When you are ready to understand your options, Lawrence Law is here to help with Empathy, Experience, and Excellence.
No one experiencing domestic violence should feel that they must navigate the situation without support. Lawrence Law has compiled New Jersey domestic violence resources for individuals and families who may need assistance, including state and national hotlines, victim assistance organizations, Safe + Sound Somerset, and Lawrence Law’s Domestic Violence Guide.
Visit the Lawrence Law Resources page to access these domestic violence resources and additional family law information.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
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This blog is provided for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every domestic violence matter is fact-sensitive, and individuals should consult with an attorney regarding their circumstances.
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